I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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