You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
