I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just threw up on my dentist
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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