She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
