wrigley field is MILF paradise
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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