if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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