So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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