He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
