WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm bleeding and have questions
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
