Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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