our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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