omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
