proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Found the puke drawer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
