if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
