You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
