Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
