I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
