he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
