You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
