you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
