I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
