I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
