are you still at the devil's house?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
