Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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