Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Green mimosas i think yes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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