And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize