its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
