OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
