I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize