Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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