My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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