And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
