someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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