Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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