I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
