so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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