she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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