The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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