I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
