I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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