My brain says no but my pants say off.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
