Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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