We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
