what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
