TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
