i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
