Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
