My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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