my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
