she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
