I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
