He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
tell me about the fingering
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
