oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
