New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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