we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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