I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
