At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
