I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
