And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
