I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
