wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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