Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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