It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
