My first STD was from a foam party
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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