First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
