He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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