I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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