Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
