fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
