There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
