I CAN MOONWALK!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
