I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
