I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize