i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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