it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
