If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
