He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
