I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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