Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
