I'm really into asian looking animals
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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