Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
